Sunday, September 11, 2005

A Dog's Eulogy

On the night of September 10th, while most people were getting prepared to pay tribute to the thousands who died in the September 11th attacks, I was lamenting for my own selfish reason - my beloved dog. It's strange that in the thirty years that I had experienced life, having to put my dog to sleep and the mess of emotion that would flood my head in the aftermath has been one of the toughest things I've ever experienced.

Sometimes I feel sadness knowing that I'll never get to scratch her back and watch her hind leg move as if she's the one that's scratching her back. Other times, I feel guilty because I wonder if she really was in pain from the cancer or if it was simply something she may have gotten into around the house that made her vomit and refuse to eat anymore. I told myself that as soon as I noticed she was in pain from the cancer that I'd put her down, but I often question whether I jumped the gun. 24 hours prior to her death, she was happy and energetic. She suddenly deteriorated that night and looked like she was struggling and in pain that morning. And finally, it was that afternoon that I took her to the vet to ease her pain.

That night I spotted a brilliant shooting star, and the first thing that popped into my head was that it was God letting me know that all is well. I DO know everything is alright, and I honestly feel that I did the right thing putting Samantha down when I did, but I'm still an emotional mess. Even with all the trouble she caused me (bit a little boy in the face, chewed up my carpets, defied my wishes and even bit me several times when I tried stopping her, bit through the paw of my best friend's chihuahua), I still loved my dog very much.

But there are many good memories I have of her: She once ate an entire bag of peanut M&M's with no recourse. When I attempted to keep her in a cage for the first time while I went to work, I came home to find my bedroom wrecked with holes in the wall, blinds chewed up, and there she was sitting on top of my bed, somehow forced her way out of the cage by bending the wires. I loved playing Hide N Seek with her. I loved toying with her by pretending that I was going to steal her toy. I loved how she'd paw at the sliding glass door when she had to go to the bathroom. She's even do this when she felt she was going to vomit. I loved how she'd perk up when I asked her if she wanted to go to for a ride.

Ahh well. I gave her a good life (absolutely it could have been better) and she kept me company during my lonely times. Hopefully those nights won't be so difficult. Only time will tell, and time heals all wounds...

So we'll see what happens. Good night Sammy!

4 Comments:

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7:49:00 PM  
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Blogger Irina said...

Wow, that's really sad. The 3 people who responded to Sammy's eulogy were trying to sell you stuff. Well, I'm not here to sell you anything. I haven't experienced the loss of a pet, but I have experienced loss. And I am truly sorry about Sammy. She was a good girl, a fun and warm creature to cuddle on the couch while watching South Park, and she had a lot of good tricks (and some naughty ones too, but who's perfect).

2:01:00 PM  

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