Sunday, February 26, 2006

I Have Failed So Far

Reality is perception, but I'm having trouble controlling my mind. It is MY mind afterall, and I DO determine what I think and what I do. But strangely enough, I can't keep it under control to do my every bidding. How is this possible? If I want to reflect on some memories of my late dog, I just do it. If I want to crunch mathematical equations in my head (assuming I know how to do the equations), I just do it. So why is it that I can't keep myself from being angry or sad or happy if I want to? I should be able's in my mind!

Addiction shouldn't exist, if you don't want it to! Neither should depression or joy. I should be able to turn on or off any emotional state. Come to think of it, I should be able to control any part of my body like the growth of the hair on my head or the beating of my heart.

I'm starting to understand the Buddist Monks now - you must be able to master yourself before you can master anything else. Now, if I can only figure out how.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey Bryan. it's Kelly. I haven't seen you in a long time, but I stumbled upon this and I hope you're doing well. life is strange. and wonderful. and maybe time IS spherical rather than linear. and I do believe that the monks have mastered control over their minds in a way that most of us will never know or understand. i wonder if that is incredibly freeing, or if it is the opposite... usually the greater the powers and abilities one possesses, the greater the responsibilities one is blessed/burdened with. Maybe we'll meet again someday... in our future or maybe in our past??? it may sound cheesy, but I always saw something special and unique in you--I hope that if you haven't found someone to appreciate that yet, you will soon. Hope you're well, wherever you are.

2:15:00 AM  
Blogger Xin said...

Hi Kelly! Good to hear from you, and I hope things are well with you. Life is a bit exciting at the moment...starting a new career path with XOS (I'm leaving the support department) and will be moving into my new home by the end of the month. I've been doing a lot of travelling lately for work and haven't played my guitar in weeks. But it's something new and different, which is a nice change.

1:27:00 PM  

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