Sunday, April 23, 2006

Post Mortem - First House

After 11 years or so, I'm finally abandoning my home, leaving behind many legacies that will eventually be retold at some time. In an attempt to truly "start over", I'm throwing away most of my belongings. I'm keeping my books, bed, collectibles, DVDs, and CDs...and everything else will be gone. While going through a lot of old things that I had forgotten I had stashed away, memories came back. I'm beginning to realize that I find flashbacks very uncomfortable for me. Perhaps it's the fact that the past is the past, and I can never go bad to fix the wrongs or relive the rights.

I hated finding an autographed photo of some country singer I don't know, because he was a favorite of an ex-girlfriend. I cringed when I found the crumbled up receipt of the veterinarian's bill for services of "Euthanasia" and "Cremation" buried in a stack of papers that I never threw away. I felt guilty when I found a framed picture of a Grandmother that I never talk to. But then that turned to disappointment when I discovered some old letters from LucasArts written to me after I wrote to them trying to do some research on how I could become a video game designer. It would remind me of the political grievances I endured while making video games under Electronic Arts and how it ruined my childhood dreams of being a video game designer. I also found my old "black book" with numbers of ex-girlfriends and girls that I could never have.

But in the end, I know I'm making the right choice...in fact I never doubted that. I liked my house, but it was a starter house, and I've learned what it means to have a house now. So when I move in to my new house (whenever that may be), I'll be better prepared. And it will be such a grand place to live.

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