A Dagger For My Heart

A soldier jumped on top of a grenade that was tossed at his squad. Sacrifice. His flesh and bones were ripped apart in a gruesome manner. A fountain of blood and body parts flew up into the air and rained down on each member of his squad, like some sort of strange baptism. A baptism because the soldier saved everyone in his squad.

Sacrifice. I think it to be a noble cause and almost always the right move. But I wonder if everyone decided to sacrifice something to make the world a better place...I wonder if it would ironically turn the world into a hell hole. If everyone is sacrificing, nothing would get done. We'd all be fighting each other to be the one to jump on the grenade, and in the end would destroy everyone.

So in the big picture, is sacrifice good or bad?

Entropy

Entropy is the magic cure-all. It is something that I've discovered today, but I also noticed a problem. It takes a long time, almost too long. But it is effective. Many people mistaken Time for Entropy. Time is merely the effect just like vision is the effect of photons interacting with your eye.

I don't doubt there are certain people that can't manage the Entropy of their emotions. When something bad happens, they can't let Entropy kill it. The emotion maintains its power at the same level as when the event happened. Imagine being able to relive your worst memory exactly as it happened.

Most people, when reliving a memory, don't feel the exact emotions anymore. The longer the event from the present time, the less emotional effect it has. Entropy has slowly eaten the emotions. The longer Entropy has to feast on the emotions, the less painful it is to relive them...or the less enjoyable.

Not Quite Yet

Burn! Thou art defeated!

I think I will sleep wonderfully tonight...

Gasping Wide Awake

I don't feel so good. I feel like I'm being destroyed. Why is doing the right thing so hard on the emotions? I found myself staring out into the cloudless sky this afternoon hoping...praying...for something catastrophic to forever change reality. I don't wish death. I'm merely looking for a distraction, because I can't come up with one large enough by myself. Without one, I fear I'm slowly unmaking myself.

Listening Deeply

Once, a way less traveled seemed like too much trouble. All I desired is acceptance and love. But what is acceptance? Is it that I fear I cannot be significant without it? It took me a while to understand that the way less traveled is far more satisfying. But it is not without its dangers. I've battled. I've cried. I've survived. And even though at every corner a part of me dies, it is a part that I have no use for anymore. Strength has taken its place, along with more challenges.

Oh but the dark haunts me still...even more than ever, for it grows as I do. It is constantly there to remind me the consequences of failure is death...death of my spirit. For I can think of no worse hell than to be alive yet dead to the world.

Learn all you can! There is good in bad and there is bad in good. You must decipher the code to learn the secret of life. Eventually, you'll see there is no good, no bad, no right, and no wrong...only light. Don't give up. I love you.