Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Of the Subconscious

As though as I have often thought,
They come to me in still silence,
Where I am allowed to think aloud,
And flood pages with words.
This typically in shades of darkness,
Evolving into plain whispers.
Once there, subdued and worn down,
I must release my confined feelings,
Like the knots and flies in my gorge,
And breathe painfully.
I can only burn for so long.
Such the life I am blessed to have,
So to perform unknowing rites
Of arrogance to persuade you,
But so innocent.

Monday, February 27, 2006

An Invention the World Needs #2 - Intelligent Lightbulbs

So often I try flipping the lightswitch only to be greeted by a startling flash of light and then back to darkness. My lightbulb blew out. What would be nice is if the lightbulb could change colors prior to blowing out (say within the last 5 hours of life, it produces a reddish tinge), so that I know to change the bulb before it expires. This way, if the lightbulb blows out as I stumble home at 2 in the morning, it'll be my fault and not the lightbulb's.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

I Have Failed So Far

Reality is perception, but I'm having trouble controlling my mind. It is MY mind afterall, and I DO determine what I think and what I do. But strangely enough, I can't keep it under control to do my every bidding. How is this possible? If I want to reflect on some memories of my late dog, I just do it. If I want to crunch mathematical equations in my head (assuming I know how to do the equations), I just do it. So why is it that I can't keep myself from being angry or sad or happy if I want to? I should be able to...it's in my mind!

Addiction shouldn't exist, if you don't want it to! Neither should depression or joy. I should be able to turn on or off any emotional state. Come to think of it, I should be able to control any part of my body like the growth of the hair on my head or the beating of my heart.

I'm starting to understand the Buddist Monks now - you must be able to master yourself before you can master anything else. Now, if I can only figure out how.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Impossible is Impossible

My world is dark. O bleak Glory! Tis existence that pops in and out of itself, and I fear that nothing is real anymore. How silly, but it's true. And that means I should be able to do anything - anything my mind can conjure up. I shall begin tomorrow!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Help Me, I'm Stuck

And I can't sleep. There's a low hum in my ear. Perhaps it's the static of stillness. Just like looking into pitch darkness, I can see millions of tiny dots. I can see nothingness. A void of some sort...but I can detect its static. I just can't catch a break. I'd very much like some Karma. I'm really curious, and frustrated by the lack of answers. But I know deep down, I fear the answers. They will ruin me, but yet I still want them. I feel like Dr. Faustus, but I shall not sell my soul for the things I desire. As they say, Knowledge is worthless unless you know that you know nothing.

I nearly had a moment this afternoon. It made me lonely, and static isn't the best of company. Emotion is like the wind - you can only see its effects. I think God is the same way. Maybe he's the static in the nothing. I'd like to know. I think there's something wrong with creativity. I meddle in it like one would the dark arts.

My head is bleeding because I keep picking at it. Help me, I'm stuck!